Let's Talk About Your Self-TalkAug 16, 2021
As a child, I had a sibling that really struggled (quite an understatement, but I've learned to use real and compassionate wording, not emotionally charged, resentful wording as I've worked on my own healing). This "struggle" lasted for around 25 years or so, which means it was MY struggle during all of my formative years, especially as a true empath and as someone who is very energetically open.
A piece of this was constant emotional abuse from this person. I was called many names, described as many adjectives, and we all know what can happen when someone calls you something ONCE, nevermind over years and years. So, the outer programming became my inner belief system. I won't get too far into that because that's an entire book that I could write.
What I want to say to you, though, is whatever your programming has been to bring you to a place where you feel anything other than amazing, worthy, beautiful, lit up, talented, special, crucial...it's like software (sorry, I had to, I have a software background). It can be patched (if your company wants to be cheap and doesn't care about what happens when the patch inevitably falls off). It can be updated (a better option and actually seeks to find and fix parts that seem to be causing the issue, for now). It can be re-written (a much better and much more effective option because it wipes the slate clean and rewrites clean code, without the crap that was in there - detected or undetected - for so long).
Now first, I want you to reflect on your reaction to those options. Do you tend to gravitate towards the "smaller" option? The cheaper option? The one that asks less of you? The one that seems the least risky? I know many of you do. Are you ok with that? Were you aware? What do you tell yourself the reasons are? What are the real reasons (this one might take more thought).
Ok, so now the actual examples that told me this needed to be addressed...
I have heard, so many times from clients, students, friends, strangers:
"Oh, I'm so bad at that."
"I'm so awful."
"I'm the worst."
And other forms of this type of self-talk. We know that words are incredibly powerful. I mean, they can change your entire perspective of yourself, as we've established.
A few years ago, I heard it on a retreat from a lovely acquaintance and every time I heard her tell me she was so awful at something, I had a full-body inner cringe. Ugh, so hard to hear.
I hear it (albeit less and less) from my coaching clients as we work on recognizing and rewriting it.
For those of you who are parents, you have the added value to this healing because, while I know you wouldn't dream of speaking to your children that way, your children hear you speak about yourself that way.
So, I encourage you to become aware of how you are wielding this powerful tool - your words (whether you say them out-loud, or quietly inside of yourself). Maybe that's the first step. Become aware.
Then maybe you naturally seek to find alternatives that are ACTUALLY TRUE. Because that's the other part of this - you're literally lying to yourself. More on that another time, too :-).
So all this to say: you are incredible and amazing at so many things, you have an incredible purpose here, and I have been so blessed that I get to coach women through my 1:1 coaching program into how to uncover the defective programming and actualize this kind of transformative thinking and self-love where we get to change perspectives, and change lives together. Reach out here and tell me if that hits home and you are ready for the next step.
We can virtually hold hands and step forward.
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